


is it enough to love

by Hydra_Trash_Gal



Series: Mission: Becoming Winter [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Dehumanization, Feels, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, mentions of torture, sad steeb always, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 08:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17179097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_Trash_Gal/pseuds/Hydra_Trash_Gal
Summary: the Assets visits Tony Stark and finds its autonomy and dreams of the futureorthe one where the Asset gives itself a name and really likes Tony Stark





	is it enough to love

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! Not beta-read so all mistakes are my own.

The Soldier was aware of the standing instructions to approach Tony Stark with any malfunctions. He was it's technician and the kindest one the Soldier's limited memory allowed. Tony Stark did not subject the Soldier to unnecessary pain and did not ask for anything in return.

It was puzzling to bring itself to servicing without a gun trained to it's temple or any restraints to ensure it would not break away or harm the technician. Tony Stark offered it an unwavering trust and in return, the Soldier did the same. Tony Stark did not watch it with a wary eye the way the Handler did; he did not call it 'Bucky' with a half-quirked smile of sorrow and loss; he did not speak to it with a slow voice as if it could not compute.

It went willingly to the technician and scoured it's untrustworthy mind for a word fitting of the lack of suffering. Tony Stark never brought pain or harsh words or half-hearted smiles. Tony Stark did not speak for it or apologize when it got sick after a too-rich meal. If he wasn't a technician perhaps he would have made a good handler for the Soldier. 

Tony Stark was...gentle. He offered the sort of bravado it recognized from its last handler, the last competent handler though it shouldn't have thought such things because it had no right, no reason, no preferences because it was not human. But if Steve Rogers insisted it was then maybe it was allowed? 

It did not matter because Tony Stark was not a handler, he was a technician.

Tony Stark was...loud. His last technicians worked as a team with a work environment that smelled of burnt wiring and antiseptic. They wore surgeon masks that made the Soldier think of extricating pain and the Weapon. They did not speak to it, which was customary and completely procedural because there was nothing the Soldier could say that the computer inputs wouldn't tell them once they connected the sensors to the sensitive inner parts of the Weapon. Tony Stark did not have access to Hydra's technology because they were gone now and while Tony Stark made a point of implying their technology to be inferior to his own the Soldier saw the way his eyes lit up when he opened the control panel. 

Sometimes the Soldier found himself opening unnecessary panels just to see Tony Stark's poorly hidden grin. It was peculiar — the smile somewhere between frustration (the Soldier assumed this was due to the fact he could not replicate such a Weapon) and excitement in being able to see more of its inner workings. 

No matter how noisy or quiet Tony Stark was it was rarely directed at the Soldier whether that be due to it's lack of response due to incorrect reply-prompts or the simple fact that it wasn't supposed to speak during servicing 'unless someone who matters' life is in danger Soldier. And those people at me or the Director' according to Commander Rumlow. The Soldier wondered if it applied any longer, the rules changed so quickly it had trouble keeping the topside of things. His current Handler seemed particularly sensitive to any failures — and he was by far the strongest. 

The Soldier waited by the heavy steel doors. Tony Stark was coming down, the man-in-the-wall assured him. Not a real man, Steve Rogers told him, an AI. It did not make the Soldier feel any better so it ignored it whenever possible. It’s efforts had must of resonated within the AIs programming or the man-in-the-walls recognized it was a subordinate of the Soldier and left him be. The second made it feel a strange twinge of satisfaction, to finally not be the lowest rank on a team, though it knew it was highly unlikely, 

But Steve Rogers said it's thoughts were it's own and no one would be able to know about them unless it decided to share. The Soldier had a fair share of reservations about this but the amount of times it thought negatively toward its handler with no repercussions made it wonder what truths were within it. Maybe Steve Rogers was telling the truth finally.

It had good reason to visit, though it did not servicing. It had a new part of its 'become a person' mission to begin. All signs pointed toward it being human or humanlike, and it had enjoyed Tony Stark's affection. It had been wildly dangerous and still made it want to hide and kill Tony Stark as much as it wanted to ask? (demand or maybe even beg, if need be) for another arm-wrapping of affection. 

It researched thoroughly using the StarkPad given to it. Never did it recall anyone giving it things the way Tony Stark did. Humans found partners and settled down — the Asset would have to do the same if it was truly a person. Tony Stark would have been a fitting person. He had offered financial stability and being around him was not akin to suffering. 

When the short man made his appearance there was an increase in heart rate for the Asset which, while typically indicated danger was rather a reaction to the man. The Asset felt a strange sensation whenever it's eyes fell on the mechanic. The feeling it would get after it successfully finished a mission, the feeling when the Commander would gave it a half smile and tell it that 'you didn't fuck it up, what do you want a pat on the head?'. "Sorry board meeting," Tony Stark did not answer to the Soldier but he still gave it useless information.

The Asset kept careful track of these non-mission related bits of information and through it had learned what things Tony enjoyed and what things he found to be unpleasant. Any form of meeting was unpleasant for Tony Stark and the Asset once offered to eliminate the need. "And how do you plan on doing that?" Tony Stark had smiled at it, curious and amused. It was a real smile, not like the ones shadowed in the past that the Handler gave it every day. This smile was special and the Asset thought about it whenever the white noise in its mind got too loud or when it requested a wipe and the Handler refused even though it had been compliant and so very well behaved. 

"I can eliminate whoever asks you to go." it reminded him unnecessarily. The Director didn't like a specific meeting so the Asset was tasked to assassinate the then leader so he would not have to attend. It was an easy mission. 

Steve Rogers had been there, like a shadow, always there to give not-smiles and call him 'Bucky' in a voice of strangled pain. The Asset was lucky to have a gentle handler but sometimes it wished for another. Usually it wished for Tony Stark. "That is, no joke, the most disturbingly-kind offer anyone has made me." Tony Stark had laid a hand on his chest, over the arc reactor and feigned a look of flattery. It made the Asset feel both accomplished and frustrated because it wanted to make Tony Stark do so because he was truly pleased. "Thanks but no thanks."

The Asset's mood was dampened for several days. It felt like it had failed, that perhaps it's offer hadn't been clear. When it saw him next, at a meal where the Asset drank it's nutritional shake and routinely refused the bits of food being pushed toward him by Steve Rogers (who clearly was not aware of the care manuals; the Asset was not to be given solid foods or any food-based rewards), it clarified itself. 

"I will kill them for you, Tony Stark."

He had seemed startled looking around at the others at the table. His eyes, usually warm, were bright with confusion. Carefully plucked eyebrows arched. "Who?"

"The one who requests your presence at the meetings."

"Bucky!" Steve Rogers' voice was a pitch higher than usual and significantly more unpleasant. It was allowed to speak however, that was a rule given early... Maybe only it's Handler could offer it's services?

"The meetings are bad but not that bad, Robocop." Tony Stark chuckled still seeming a bit perturbed. 

A miscalculation — Tony Stark was wealthy like the Director had been but clearly did not have the same type of expectations in dealing with such. The Asset made note and did not offer such services again. 

Steve Rogers spent more time with it as well which an added irritation. Like dirt in a wound. 

But today Tony Stark was expressing displeasure in another meeting and the Asset needed a different way to respond. "It sounds..." The Asset had devoted many hours to it's research. Communication was a learned skill and there was no longer a Teflon muzzle to spare it the intricacies of it. "Unpleasant."

Tony's face lit up a bit. "Well, that's a new word for you isn't it?" Tony Stark's voice was teasing as it usually was when speaking with the rest of the team. 

It was a sign of comradeship but also something shared between Barton and Natalia who seemed to be a pair bonded beyond friendship. Tony Stark and it could also form a bond beyond friendship if the mission was successful. However unpleasant was not a new word though it was the first time the Asset had uttered it out loud. It was not meant to feel before so the idea of a pleasantries did not seem applicable. "Negative. The word has been known for — " the Asset did not trust its mind or its memory to claim a timeframe such a word had been known. It's face felt warm; shame. Tony Stark was very intelligent and the Asset had the capacity to learn many things and knew many things already but not in the way the Mechanic did. "Timeframe unknown."

Tony gave it a long look, eyes searching it's face for something the way Steve Rogers did when recounting a tale from Bucky Barnes' past. The Asset knew that signs of a friendship were to smile but all attempts had been unacceptable. It would not show happiness to Tony Stark until it had perfected it. Instead it averted it's eyes and hoped respect would please it. "C'mon," Tony Stark called as the doors slid open silently. "Banner is in here working so we don't want to disturb him."

The Asset was apprehensive. Steve Rogers routinely stripped it of all weapons and it knew it's arm was no match for the green beast within the otherwise quiet man. Tony Stark trusted him however; the Asset had already resigned to giving its life in order to protect Tony Stark. It followed Tony Stark in, past thick glass windows where Bruce wearing a white coat was staring fixedly at beaker. Tony Stark extended kindnesses to everyone, sharing space with another scientist, spending time with the Asset though it had nothing to offer. 

Tony Stark's robots sped over to him, beeping excitedly. "I thought I told you to clear that off," Tony Stark gave a firm look toward the robot dubbed DUM-E. "I swear you'd be more useful as scrap metal. Clean off the bench!"

It made an indignant beeping sound but whirled around and began taking items from the bench in its claw and returning them to their rightful place. Tony Stark was a Handler in a way; these machines with his assistants. He controlled them well and rewarded them justly. The Asset couldn't help but envy them. It too could do these tasks, better in fact. It would not be a pest and crowd Tony Stark when he entered the lab although it really wanted to. 

"So what's up with the arm?" Tony Stark sat on a wheeled stool and looked pointedly at the exam table. It was heated and reminded the Asset nothing of being strapped to the table when it had the Weapon melded to his body. "Jam it again sparring with Cap?"

Steve Rogers, it's Handler, was Captain America. He had been a mission but the Asset had failed. Steve Rogers had been it's Handler in the past, it remembered which was not within protocol and meant it needed to wiped and placed in cryo immediately but Steve Rogers refused. It had been ordered to 'follow Captain America in the jaws of death' and it had. Then... The white noise was back so the Asset thought about Tony Stark's smile.

The panic let up. It was able to shake it's head, the time lag too small to be noticeable and even if it was Tony Stark was too good, too kind, to punish it or refuse its's company. The Asset was thankful for that. "Arm is at 100% functioning." It felt like it was admitting a wrongdoing because it was bothering the mechanic for no reason. Wasted time, wasted resources just so the Asset could learn more about him. 

"Oh." Tony Stark looked confused and his lips pursed. The Asset made a mental note to practice such a look — to display emotions was human and it's mission depended on that just as much as the rest. "What brings you down here then?"

"Nothing." The Asset's face felt hot and it did not know what to say. "Steve Rogers says — I'm to learn to be a person."

It was unnecessary information that had not been requested but the Asset hoped Tony Stark would understand. "Uh huh." he said slowly, eyebrows knitting together. "How's, uh, that going?"

"53.8% completion." The Asset said and immediately balked. It was classified! But Tony Stark could be trusted... "Don't tell Steve Rogers."

Tony Stark pulled a strange face then smiled in an awkward way like he wanted to laugh and cringe all at once. "Yeah I wanted to chat with you about that," Tony Stark said slowly. "Jarvis, privacy walls please?"

"Privacy protocols intact Sir. The room is completely soundproofed and all entry is prohibited without your direct permission."

"Thanks Jar," Tony ran his fingers though his hair. "How are things going on your floor?"

The Asset considered all the pros and cons and Steve Rogers' lack of appropriate care. Then it thought about the mission and that was most important though sharing between people was also highly important. 

Almost as much as communicating — say something Soldat! 

"I am thankful for everything you've given me, Tony Stark." It bowed it's head hoping desperately the reply pleased him. "Thank you." 

"I've told you," Tony Stark's voice was soft like the insides of the sweatpants and sweaters Tony had given him to wear. Soft like the towels and the carpet and the bed and the stretchy cotton shirts and the pants that were not tactical. "It's not that big of a deal. I enjoy helping you."

The Asset spoke before it could thoroughly consider the repercussions. "I enjoy you, Tony Stark."

The lab was quiet, Tony Stark seemed to be holding his breath. "Uh," he exhaled finally, "So things aren't going well with Steve then?"

The Asset was confused which wasn't all that surprising given the field it was operating in. But why did it's Handler matter? "Steve Rogers says I'm a person," it has given Tony Stark this information many times but he needed reminding at times. The man-in-the-walls did it but once they were a bonded pair the Asset could do all of those things as well. 

The Asset got a sensation of well-being whenever it pondered life-after-the-bond. It would feel things as Steve Rogers friend-who-once-had-wings said it would. It felt like the Asset was settling on a cot far away from it's handling team, waiting for extraction after a successful mission. It was a good feeling and that was thanks to Tony Stark. "I know that," there was a touch of frustration in voice. "I just mean — the other day when we...hugged Steve got really upset remember?"

The Asset considered it. There had been an increase in heart rate and a muscle pulsing on the handler's jaw. He had seemed frustrated but the Asset suspected it was due to his vocabulary failure. Steve Rogers got upset when it made those mistakes like calling him 'Sir' or responding to greetings with status reports of 'functional'. "I didn't have the right word," it felt foolish admitting it to Tony Stark who had a beautiful light blue hologram hovering over a wide display table. It wanted to watch Tony Stark's fingers move over it. It wanted to see him smirk to himself and mutter to the man-in-the-walls (who will eventually be replaced by the Asset depending on mission success).

"I don't think that's what was bothering Capsicule," Tony Stark grimaced and an object clattered noisily to their left. 

The Asset threw it's body in front of Tony Stark, just incase one of his robots had been hijacked or had accidentally thrown something toward him. It would not allow Tony Stark to come by any harm. It couldn't. "It was just DUM-E," Tony Stark set a hand on the Weapon even though it did not need maintenance. Steve Rogers flinched whenever the metal touched him but it found that the sensation of human warmth resting on the plates felt...good and kind, like Tony Stark. "A little jumpy huh Terminator?"

"Tony Stark must be protected," it reported and felt proud to say the words. "Steve Rogers says Bucky can make his own choices. I decided to protect Tony Stark."

Tony Stark opened his mouth to say something and then seemed to decide again it, eyes flickering to the glass wall where Banner now had his hands folded his back assessing a complex chemical formula on a whiteboard. The Asset did not expect to find the silent uncomfortable but it was like the white noise. Like the edges of it's mind were curling up into itself. 

Miscalculation, miscalculation, miscalculation...

"Does Steve Rogers know you're down here?" Tony Stark's arm crossed and he did not look at the Asset. There was a look on his face like he had done something wrong; Tony Stark never made mistakes so the Asset clearly did not understand emotion as well as it had thought. 

"Steve Rogers gave permission to visit with the team, Bucky. You are part of the Team Tony Stark; it is allowed." The Asset was not being dishonest, those were his words exactly and if the orders were changed Steve Rogers had not told the Asset so it was not responsible. "Do you... Tolerate my presence?"

Tony Stark flinched as if the Asset had cocked the Weapon back. "Christ Barnes, no tact huh?" He asked dryly. The Asset gathered it's miscalculation was not forgiven. It felt like the bridge all over again, like it was falling into the Chair but far more grating. 

It turned to leave. Doing so without Tony Stark demanding it would be best. "Where are you going?" Tony Stark touched its shoulder, the warmth was nice. It didn't know why it pressed into the hand but it did. "Uh... Look, I don't want to get between you and Cap okay?"

Between an Asset and it's Handler? Steve Rogers should have been the only one it cared about, the only one it wanted to protect but it's programming had been damaged by him. The Asset wanted Tony Stark between them. The Asset wanted and that was human. It was a thrilling realization: it's own self-created and led mission was working. "Steve Rogers said you can make your own choices, Bucky." It said slowly, increasingly unsure of its own freedoms. "Steve Rogers will be... pleased."

If it was a person then... then it could do anything. It wouldn't have to be the Asset. It wouldn't have to obey or please Steve Rogers. It could obey Tony Stark. It could be...him like other humans were. Tony Stark made a strange noise — laughter but pained and reluctant. "I don't think so Barnes."

"Winter." It put it's hand over its mouth. It was a name the Commander and Agent Rollins gave it, it had no right to claim it or share it. 

Tony Stark arched his brow. "You want me to call you Winter?"

It considered bitting off its own tongue. It couldn't say stupid things then, couldn't utter anything that could possibly upset Steve Rogers or Tony Stark or the Commander. It swallowed dryly — it would need to find Steve Rogers and request water. He would be in the concave part of the living room, curled around a pad of paper sketching something he refused to share. "You can call me whatever you'd like." the Asset breathed waiting for a correction to be delivered. 

Tony Stark uncrossed his arms and sat back down on the stool, crossing his ankles. He smiled and it made the fear go away a bit. The Asset felt warm inside. Like Tony Stark has laid his hand on his chest and warmed his cold insides. It could feel. He could feel like a person. 

"I'll call you Winter if that's what you want." Tony Stark was good and kind. "Want to help me with a new suit design?"

He was requesting the Asset's help? After he made so many miscalculations and errors. "You'll allow...me to help?" 

"Why not. You're good company. Not too chatty," Tony Stark smiled and Winter felt his face responding. "Oh my sweet Jesus you can smile."

"For Tony Stark," Winter clarified carefully. "Don't tell Steve Rogers."

Tony Stark looked pained a moment but then clapped his hands and the familiar look of mischief was back on his face. Warm brown eyes met Winter's slate gray and it felt good. Winter was good when he was around Tony Stark because he was a human and that meant he had a future of happiness. There was still work to be done but Winter could confidentially assume the mission was 82.1% complete.


End file.
